So I have put off 100% leaving ADF until my renewal is due (December 7). I’ve also given them 3 strikes (well it’s a US run international organization, they will not understand a cricket reference of 10 wickets) to convince me to stay. Currently they are at 2.5 strikes (yes I split strikes). I’m not going to get into how this has occurred, just that its been a bad week for ADF and my trust.
So where to from here? That really is the question. For the last 17 years I’ve walked a path already blazed by hundreds of other ADF members. Now I’m looking longingly to paths less trodden. My gut tells me that is where I need to go. That I can’t effect change in an organization that does not see that it needs to change. So where now?
Not everything from ADF will be left behind. I love the idea of *ghosti. The reconstructed Proto Indo-European word (hence the *), from where guest, host, and yes Ghost (it once meant stranger not a spirit) came from. But unlike the majority of ADF, I will not be just practicing reciprocity with my deities of worship, or the spirits of the land, or my ancestors. I plan to make this a part of how I live my day to day with people. Because in the end, that is how my ancestors would have lived.
For me, that is not a big paradigm change. I’ve tended to always live my life in a way, where I treat others as I’ve been treated. Rather than being nice to everyone, I am nice to those who treat me that way, and not so nice, to those who treat me not so nicely. I’m not afraid to be outspoken and aggressive, when the need seems to be there, just as I am not afraid to lurk at the edge of things, and just observe.
I feel called ever more strongly to the service of An Morrigan. This began in 2008 in Milwaukee, when I was at a dark period in my life, and every year seems to be a bigger focus of my life. It is something I could have applied in ADF, but I’m pretty sure that outside of ADF I will achieve more.
My warriorship is now just my own, and that of those I will now call tribe.
I think that is the hardest part. I am leaving a tribe. In essence I am going to probably become an outsider (using the ADF parlance). Currently I’ve made myself ever more an outdweller. A person at the edge of the tribe, who is becoming ever more unaligned with how the centre of the tribe wishes to be. So I’m going to be a solo traveller for a time, perhaps perfectly. I don’t fear this, I welcome it. Its been almost two decades sine I did this. I’m a vastly different person now, more dangerous in some ways (spirituall speaking) because I know who I am, and what I believe. But at the same time, I have habits from being part of a tribe for so long. Habits that may or may not need to be unlearned.
Where does this put me? I don’t know. Perhaps I will be convinced to stay? Any reading this are welcome to try and do that. I’m always open to discussion. But I’m my own man. Remember that. No longer am I willing to be loyal for the good of the Tribe. I serve my gods, my family, the ancestors, and the spirits of the land. Not an organization.