I’ve told this tale (it’s a true one even) numerous times, in numerous places, I feel its time to codify it in a place I control.
Back in late 2006, early 2007, I was going through a lot of mental adjustments (that I will not detail here). The change of southern hemisphere seasons to Midwest USA ones, and moving from costal living, to the middle of the flat lands of Southern Wisconsin, had me out of sorts. I felt zero connection to the land. While winters that were bitterly cold, and had lots of snow, had initially been kind of interesting, I now dreaded them. I had also reached a point with the local pagan community, where I could not stand many of them. I was treated as an oddity, because, I was technically white collar (despite doing a job more dangerous than any of them, and wearing a uniform at work (yeah it had a white collar, for some reason, even industrial (Pharma in this case) chemists, wear white). I was hermiting from the fuckers, and happier than I had been for a few years.
However intellectually I was at a peak when it came to my Paganism. I was absorbing all I read. I was being discerning, because I now could be. Where once, a book in the local University book store, was a treasure trove. Amazon Prime, and next day delivery, allowed me to cast a wider net. I was activ3e in ADF, especially the Warriors guild where I was on the council of honor, and about to be the new chief (and hold that for a number of years).
It was an odd place to be. Intellectually fulfilled, spiritually empty.
I came across a PhD thesis that was being shared (with permission) in the Celtic Reconstructionist community (1) So I devoured this actual academic study of a deity in the Culture I had embraced as my spiritual path.
It was the deep of winter for me when I started this journey. I noticed three crows were following me around the East Side of Milwaukee (where I was living). When I walked the dog, there they were. When I put the trash out, yep, perched on the roof tops, lookind at me, and making a racket.
For the first time in my life, I headed a gut feeling I had. I felt, An Morrigan was trying to get my attention. So I did more research. With in 6 months I was positive she wanted my veneration. I also felt she wanted me to swear fealty to her. Something I had done as a mid teen to Lug and a mid twenty something to An Dagda. This felt stronger, this felt, well important.
My swearing of fealty brought me out of a tumultuous time in my life. A time, where I was frankly adrift, and with out purpose, and trying to self destruct.
That is how I came to venerate my Queen. She is a deity of strong opinions, and who will reward you if you do what she asks. However, you say you will do something, and do not? Yeah well that’s not smart.
I am going through this with the Gaulish deities at the moment. I discovered the Swiss Folk Metal band Eluveitie. In particular Lvgvs (Lugus) is making himself known to me, and no he is NOT Lug. That is clear.
- War Goddess: The Morrígan and her Germano-Celtic Counterparts by Angelique Gulermovich Epstein